I've Never
by shannonann
Summary: Joe/Macy "I don’t know what it was about her, but it kind of seemed like she wouldn’t mind listening to me complain like a 14 year old girl, and about ten seconds later I was spilling my guts on her sofa." Rated T randomly for safety.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: You probably could have guessed on your own, but I do NOT own Jonas. :] **

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I've never cheated on a girl. I've been called a lot of things over the course of my teenage years…and the rest of my life. Girl-crazy. King Hormone. Ladies' Man. And even Player. Now, while some…okay, _all _of the first three may be very true, I, Joe Lucas, am most certainly not a player. I'll be the first to admit that I may be more than a little fond of the opposite sex, but, come on, who isn't? And, okay, okay, maybe I've had more girlfriends in the past four years than I can count on two hands, but I also happen to have at least some sort of sense of self-control. Hard to believe, but true; I am a one-woman man. Well, at least I always _used_ to be.

I've never been in love. I've been pretty deeply 'in like' more than a few times, but I've never quite made it to love. Again, hard to believe considering that I'm told countless times every day how perfect of a couple my girlfriend and I make. And most of the time, I have to agree. When it comes to girlfriends, I've always thought Stella was pretty perfect myself. Perfect eyes, perfect hair, perfect skin. But I don't love her. Sure, I've had an insane crush on her since the second I met her & have been scheming to win her over since the 3rd grade, but the longer I'm with her, the more I feel the indecisive teenage boy in me taking over. You know how sometimes you build up such crazy huge expectations for something in your mind that in real life it's impossible for it to be as insanely awesome as you thought it would be? Exactly.  
Sure she's pretty perfect, but we fight a lot…a lot, constantly…same difference. Usually it's over the dumb tiny stuff. _What movie do you wanna see? Chinese or Italian? _I know, it's dumb. And I know I shouldn't let it get in the way of what seems like a really great thing, but I just can't help feeling like if it was meant to be it wouldn't be this hard, you know? But then again, maybe it's supposed to be frustrating and something you have to work at…I guess I wouldn't know though, I've never been in love. Until now.

I've never been super close with Macy Misa. I've always known who she was; Stella's best friend, multi-athlete extraordinaire, and JONAS super-fan, who has managed to go from super-spastic, to completely normal around my brothers and me. I've always smiled at her in the hallways and struck up friendly conversations with her whenever we've ended up next to each other in the lunch line, but until these past few months I've never gotten into anything super deep with her; just the normal, friendly, _'how was math class?'_ type of stuff. Then, Stella and I had our first big fight. I don't even remember what it was about now, but I'd be willing to bet it was probably something totally stupid. What I do remember is both of us screaming until our voices couldn't take it anymore, and me storming out somewhere around, _"You're such a jerk, why am I even with you?"_

Then I wandered. Random turns down random streets. Sounds super safe, right? I didn't want to go home. Home would either be empty, which would give me time to sit and think and feel even more terrible about what had just happened, or it would be overrun by my brothers, who would, no doubt, tell me that I _was_ in fact being a jerk and to go apologize, which was the last thing I wanted to do. So I walked and racked my already spinning brain for somewhere to go.

When she first came to mind, I wasn't even sure I knew where she lived, let alone how to get there on foot. So for a while I pushed her to the back of my mind, trying to come up with another option. But soon enough I remembered picking her up for our "date", which had been carefully crafted to make Stella jealous. Ten minutes and a few wrong turns later, I was knocking on Macy's front door. It seems weird to go to my girlfriend's best friend after I'd just had a blowout with my girlfriend, I know, but she might just be the one person who knows Stella better than I do, and that's just what I needed. She seemed sort of surprised when she opened the door, but she gave me a sympathetic smile and invited me in when she saw my face, (which I hadn't seen myself, but I'm guessing didn't give off the impression that I was having a too terribly wonderful night). I expected a little bit of a freak-out, but to my pleasant surprise there was none; she was calm and cool-headed, asking me what was wrong and what she could do to help. I don't know what it was about her, but it kind of seemed like she wouldn't mind listening to me complain like a 14 year old girl, and about ten seconds later I was spilling my guts on her sofa, both of us sitting Indian-style, facing one another. Now, I _assume_ that you're _assuming_ I only told her about the immediate Stella situation, but you're wrong. I told her about everything; how I've had a mega-crush on Stella for years, my inner-indecisive teenage boy, my insanely high, unreachable expectations, and my doubts about whether we could ever really work without having to kill ourselves over it, and the more secrets I let out, the more I wanted to. I just kept talking, fully aware of the fact that I was telling her things that I normally wouldn't want to tell her, but I couldn't stop. And she looked like she didn't mind. She nodded her head that she understood to my frequent asking of "you know what I mean?", laughed at the funny parts, of which there were very few, and scowled at the sucky parts, of which there were plenty. She just listened, and the more skeletons I let out of my closet, the more I began to realize that she was really good at listening. After I'd let her in on practically all the disappointments I'd ever experienced in my life, I glanced at the clock. 12:47. It was nearly one in the morning and I wasn't positive, but I was fairly sure it had been somewhere around 9:15 when I left Stella's. Macy must have been dying to kick me out.

"Where are your parents?" I asked, realizing I hadn't seen anyone else the entire time I'd been there.

"Boca." She replied. I raised my eyebrows and she laughed. "Second honeymoon. I'm here by myself, but they have my big brother calling 3 times a day to make sure I haven't killed over without them." She rolled her eyes and smiled.

"I didn't know you had a brother."

"Yeah, Drew." She replied. "He's goes to college about half an hour from here, so if I need him, he can be here pretty quick."

I had never heard of this 'Drew' character before. I guess I'd always just assumed she was an only child. Why? I have no idea, I just did. But maybe I didn't. Maybe I'd never even considered whether or not she had siblings. Maybe I'd never even considered it important to consider whether or not she had siblings. Or anything else about her life. And it was at that exact moment that I realized I knew absolutely nothing about her. She probably knew everything there is to know about me, being my biggest fan of all time and all, but the interest hadn't been reciprocated. She had just sat and listened to me whine about my life for the past 4 hours, and I'd never even made an effort to get to know her. I had to be the biggest jerk alive. So over the next 3 months, in between my "vent-about-Stella" sessions, I asked questions other than "you know what I mean?"

Her brother's name is Drew, and he's 22, and going to school to be a sportscaster, go figure. Her favorite color is purple, her favorite book is 'Pride & Prejudice', and she loves Chinese food. Her favorite movie is 'Mary Poppins', and she always cries at the end of 'The Sound of Music'. She can't eat much Italian because she's allergic to marinara sauce, but she loves fettuccine alfredo. She's never eaten sushi because it "looks disgusting", which I told her was a crime, but she eventually caved under the pressure of me bringing her box after box and tried some. She then spent about an hour puking her guts up, (after which I spent about two hours apologizing). She's never been on a roller coaster because it turns out that Horace Mantis' star athlete is scared to death of heights, a secret that she has promised will cause me to be denounced as her friend if ever shared with anyone. She didn't take swimming lessons until she was 12 and cried every day of the week-long class, another friendship ruining secret, if spilled. Her favorite sport is volleyball, she's scared of stray cats, I _had_ to laugh at that one, and she wants to be a history teacher. Have you had enough yet?

I've never been in love. Until now. She always gave me understanding nods when I was complaining about Stella and always seemed to know exactly how to calm the both of us down. She was the middle man, conveying Stella & I's messages back and forth to each other when we were too mad to talk face to face. She never cut me off when I rambled on and on about my life, but waited patiently until I asked for her to speak. And then she would just give a wise-beyond-her-years answer like it was the simplest thing in the world. She had like, eternal patience for me. She always seemed to understand and she just…made me happy. We started hanging out on the weekends and studying for our chemistry class together, and she even helped me pick out Stella's birthday present. Our occasional lunch line conversations turned into daily lunch table conversations…and hallway conversations, and class conversations, and text conversations. She went from random semi-friend to one of my very best friends in practically no time at all. And I got happier, and happier.

Now, for those of you who still haven't caught on, I'll fill you in. Somehow, somewhere along the way, by complete and total accident, I swear I didn't mean to…I fell completely and totally, head over heels, sappy chick flick in love with Macy Misa. My_ girlfriend's best friend.  
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Did you like it? You should be a doll & review then. :D


	2. Chapter 2

**I'm SO sorry it's taken me like, 8 years to keep this story going...school is _insane_ right now. But Christmas Break is lovely. :] I'll try to keep the chapters coming in pretty even time. **

**I'm not in love with this, but it's kind of filler anyway. lol Sorry if it's a little long. I hope you guys like it, regardless.  
& I LOVED everyone's reviews. :) Keep them coming! **

**P.S.  
****You probably could have guessed on your own, but I do NOT own Jonas. :] **

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Can you please assure me that I'm not a huge jerk? Let me go ahead and answer that one for you: No. No, you can't. I am. I'm the jerk who strings one girl along, all the while pining in secret for her best friend. But I wasn't _trying_ to do that, I just accidentally _was_.

I've never been in love, so naturally I've never had any experience trying to convince myself to fall out of love. Regardless, I devised a seemingly fool-proof plan: I stuck to Stella like glue and avoided Macy like the plague. Sounds simple enough, right? Of course it does. So I did it.

I went back to smiles in the hallways and casual lunch line conversations. I stopped answering her texts. I pretended like I was doing fine in chemistry and didn't need her help anymore, (Keyword there is _pretended_. In actuality, I was about 3 points away from failing). I ignored her when she sat with us at lunch, or next to me in class. I never took my Stella problems to her anymore, which ended up doing Stella and I more harm than good. Still, some demented part of my brain assured me that the 'plan' was working, so I kept it up; attempting not to lose it over my chemistry grade and the load of arguing and stress that was Stella & I's relationship. Somehow, I was positive that if I told myself nothing was happening, then whatever "feelings" I was developing for Macy would just go away.

I know, I know; I sound like a complete and total genius, but, and I know this is shocking, my brilliant plan wasn't working out too well. You see, every time I blew her off at lunch, or in the hallway, or after school, or in class, I had to see her face. And that's when I knew. The horrible wrenching feeling I got in the pit of my stomach when I saw her face, all hurt and confused, only confirmed that I felt what I was trying to convince myself that I didn't. And the icing on this crap cake? She didn't treat me like the total douche I was being. She still smiled at me in the hallways and tried her best to talk to me at lunch while I tried my best to ignore her. She thought she was making things better but she wasn't; she was killing me. I was determined to stick to my genius plan, which meant I had to see that face every day.

"Hey Joe!" she smiled at me as she took the seat next to me in chemistry. "How are you?"

I glanced at her then looked back to the front of the room. "I'm fine."

She tucked half of her hair behind her ear and then let it fall again. She was nervous. She always did that when she was nervous. "Um, how do you think you did on the test?"

We were scheduled to get the grades from our last test back today. I was sick to my stomach. Without Macy's help I was sucking chemistry up like it was my job. I knew I had probably answered 5 or 6 out of the 70 questions correctly. "Pretty well." I lied.

"Really? That's great! I mean…not that I'm surprised you did well, or anything…" she stumbled through the sentence. "Chemistry's just…hard. You know."

_Gah, Mace, just stop. PLEASE._ She turned to face the front and crossed her arms in front of her. Mr. Herndon came around, dropping our tests face down on the tables in front of us. All across the classroom there were muffled groans from those who shared my fate, and celebratory hisses from those fortunate enough to have done well. I glanced at Macy's test as she turned it over. A giant red 87 was circled with "Nice work!" written under it. She was one of the fortunate ones. I glanced at her face out of the corner of my eye. She smiled at her grade, proud of herself, and then began to put the test into her folder. I smiled for her, in spite of my plan. Sometimes she was just too adorable and, only for a minute, the plan went out the window.

It was time. I slowly reached for my test and, even more slowly, lifted up one corner so that only I could see whatever horrendous grade was written on it. I took a deep breath and looked. My grade was also giant and red, but it was most certainly not an 87…it was a 44. And it was most certainly not accompanied by a "nice work"…I got a "Need some extra help?" I sighed and rolled my eyes, cursing myself, my plan, and Mr. Herndon under my breath. I kept my test face down and put it into my folder.

The bell rang and I was halfway out the door when I heard my name.

"Joseph?"

"Yeah, Mr. Herndon?" I turned slowly to face him, sitting at his desk. He leaned back and flicked a finger toward him, signaling me to come. I sighed and took the walk of shame.

"Did you enjoy your test grade?"

I shoved my hands in my pockets and looked at my feet like they were the most interesting things I'd ever seen. "You're failing my class, Mr. Lucas. And I have to say, I'm rather confused; you were doing so well…"

I closed my eyes but kept my face down. "I've got it under control." I looked up at him, raising his eyebrows. "The next test will be better, I swear." I was this close to home-free, when I heard what sounded like someone bumping into a desk behind me.

"Ah, just leave it on the front table please, Miss Misa."

_NO._ I whirled around to see her setting a book on a table, but her eyes were on me. I turned back to Mr. Herndon and closed my eyes. So much for the lies I'd been feeding her about how well I was doing in chemistry.

"Sorry," she began, "I forgot to turn this book in."

"That's perfectly fine, Macy. Actually, maybe you could help Joseph here out a little." I silently began to pray that the building would suddenly catch fire or Mr. Herndon would simply drop dead so I could get out of this room, where I could feel her eyes burning holes in the back of my head. The jig was up. "Macy is doing exceedingly well, Joseph, and I'm sure she would be more than glad to help you. The two of you are friends, right?"

I didn't answer of course, per my plan, but to my surprise, neither did she. I heard her shift on her feet behind me, but she kept silent. I knew I had no right to be, but I was sort of hurt. I don't know why she would have, but I had expected her to say yes.

I couldn't stand to stand there any longer. "I've got it under control, Mr. Herndon." I repeated myself quietly.

"See you tomorrow, Miss Misa." I heard the door slam shut behind me then I turned to leave myself. "Joseph," he called after me. "Get it under control, okay? Our next test is in 2 weeks."

I've never been good at confrontation. So when I walked out of the classroom and saw Macy standing at her locker, shoving her books in with such force that, inanimate objects or not, they had to be feeling some pain, I couldn't face her. I stood and stared for a second, but turned and started to walk the other way.

"Joe?" I heard her locker slam shut behind me.

I stopped but didn't turn around. The plan was telling me to leave, RUN! Whatever conversation was about to be had wasn't going to fit into the plan. But I stayed put. I stood with my back to her and listened.

"Are you…" I could hear the nerves in her voice, and the anger. I knew she was tucking her hair behind her ear and letting it fall. I knew her. "Are you…mad at me, or…something?"

_This is your last chance, you idiot. If you leave now, maybe she'll just take it as a yes and leave you alone! You don't have to face this. _

I was about to answer but she went on. "I mean, if you don't want to be my friend anymore then fine, okay? I don't wanna be yours either." Um, ouch? "But at least have the decency to tell me, okay? Don't just let me stand there like an idiot, thinking I did something horribly wrong to make you hate me!" Her voice had gotten loud as she talked, but suddenly it got small. "Did I?"

I faced her and suddenly I felt like the biggest jerk alive. Suddenly my "plan" seemed stupid, and horrible, and pointless, but most of all horrible. I didn't want to hurt her; I just wanted to _not_ _love_ her. But I did. Even after 3 weeks of trying to fix my relationship with Stella and destroy my relationship with Macy, everything was still exactly the same. I hadn't changed anything that I was trying to change, but I might have ruined our friendship for good. I didn't love her any less than 3 weeks ago. And standing there in the hallway, I think I loved her more.

"I don't…hate you, Macy." I closed my eyes and ran a hand through my hair in frustration. "And I _do_ want to be your friend, I _love_ being your friend, I just…" I just what? What was I planning on saying? I just love you? I just don't want to cheat on my girlfriend…but then again I kind of do when I'm with you?  
"I'm just a jerk." Yes, going with the simpler option was always a good plan.

"Yeah," she swung her bag over her shoulder and started to turn and leave, "you are."

"Mace, wait." I grabbed her arm and whirled her around to face me. This wasn't my best idea as of late because now we were much closer than we should have been. I took a startled step backward. She narrowed her eyes at me. I looked around in desperation, trying to think of something to say. I wasn't sure why I had stopped her, but she was walking away and it scared me. I don't know why exactly, but I needed her to stay. My eyes landed on the window sill. "Can we sit?"

"No." She crossed her arms, but I grabbed one again and brought her to the window sill beside me. When we sat, she scooted as far away from me as possible, smushing herself against the wall. I didn't blame her.

"So, why are we sitting?" She spoke first. "Are you going to explain all this to me?"

I thought for a second. The plan told me that I was in way over my head and I had to agree. How was I supposed to explain it without just saying what I knew I wouldn't? It was getting harder to breathe by the second when I shifted to face her. "I wish I could." She shook her head, signaling she didn't understand. "I wish I could because you really deserve an explanation, but…I don't have one."

She sighed, exasperated. "You can tell me, Joe. You can be honest with me…if you want to." She tucked her hair then let it fall. "I've never told any of the stuff you told me to anyone else. I never told Stella anything you said…"

"I don't think you did…" I interrupted her and rummaged through my bag, but she continued. She only stopped talking when I thrust my test into her hands.

She looked down at my miserable grade and then looked back at me. "Jooeee…" she groaned.

I leaned back against the window and closed my eyes. "I suck."

It was quiet for a few seconds and I wondered what she was thinking. I wasn't prepared for what it was. "So you'd rather fail chemistry than get help from me? I'm that horrible?"

My eyes shot open. I sat forward and grabbed her hand. "No! You're not horrible, I am!"

She rolled her eyes.

"I just-" I stopped, caught off guard.  
It fit, her hand. It fit in mine like it was made for the oddly specific purpose of being there. I know I sound like a total girl here, but cut me some slack for a second, okay?

I grabbed her other hand and pulled her up. "Let's go." I said, starting to walk and dragging her with me.

"Where?!" She sounded confused. "I'm still mad at you!" I could hear her smiling.

"That's where we're going," I said as I pulled her into the parking lot and toward my car, "to make you not mad at me!"

New plan: ignore the old plan and do whatever I want.  
…within boundaries, of course…

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**Well, there it is. Be brutal, if you'd like...or you could sugar-coat it...I enjoy that, too. ;] lol**


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